A Tesco love affair gone sour?


Id flirted with her a few times in the early days, popping to see her for bits and pieces like pot noodles or chocolate. It was never a serious thing, more a meeting of convenience for the both of us, never did I think that we would fall for each other so profoundly and for such a long time.

Anything that could be deemed as serious started in actual fact with her Sister “Tesco Kidsgrove”, we used to call in quite regularly  and within a few short weeks it turned quite steady. She lived within a fairly easy driving distance and she sold petrol too,  I knew this already of course because Id used the fuel services many years before. After a few months, I heard about her Sister “Tesco Crewe” and sneakily behind her back I did go and check her out. TC was the same in many ways as TK, she also had a petrol station and was even the same driving distance. Eventually we started to see much more of TC to the point when I had to tell TK that we couldn’t see each other anymore. She was of course quite upset but glad that at least her sister would look after us.

After a few months we moved into the same area as TC, we could now see each other on a regular basis and not have to travel very far either. Every week without fail we would faithfully pop in to see her and spend some quality time. She always tempted us with great BOGOF deals and we exchanged our first cards, a Clubcard as well, we felt so exclusive to be a member of a special club together. It was a win win, we would see her regularly and for that she would give us gifts back in the way of points that we could use to either get money off or even double them up against other items.

As our love affair became stronger I decided to pop the question! Down on one knee we went , “Could we maybe have a Tesco Credit Card?” This was undoubtedly a serious commitment and one where we would be bound together for the greater good. Overjoyed with happiness she said “Yes” and we now had a serious token of our love, yes, a Tesco Credit and Clubcard combo. Nothing is more finer we thought than this statement of our commitment to each other.

credit card

Months turned into years and our relationship was good, we saw her all the time and the rewards were good, we could use our special card elsewhere as well and she would still reward us!


Then one day she delivered some sad news, “I’m moving away for some time so we wont be able to see each other”. What? Why? When? were all whizzing through our heads! “I’m moving away for a little while so I can get some time to myself but I promise Ill come back better and we can carry on as before”. It took some convincing but she gave me her assurances that she would be back and that things would be for the greater good. TC also dropped on me that while she was gone I would have to babysit her little brother “Temporary Tesco Crewe”. As I was loyal to her how could I say no and with that off she went leaving us holding the baby so to speak.

TC’s little brother TTC wasn’t the greatest of company to be with, he was small and we didn’t really get on that well. He didn’t have the range of goods that we had enjoyed with his big sister and we longed for the days when TC would be back. TTC tried his best to be like TC, he gave us vouchers at the end of our visits but I found it a bit cheeky that he would try and make me go to see my old flame Tesco Kidsgrove to cash in the 5p off a litre fuel voucher. TC would be furious of this I had no doubt if she had been here to see it. Still we kept our promise and looked after TTC until we had the great news that TC would be back as promised!Eventually TC told us the date she would be back and we entered this onto our calender so that we could be there for her.

So the day arrived, TC was back and off I went to meet her again after her time away. I was a little surprised by how big she had got! She had definitely enjoyed her self while she had been away and was nearly twice the size! As I prepared to visit I grabbed myself a trolley  whats this, I’ve got to find a spare coin or token to even get one now, this was annoying now that I always have to either keep a quid in the car or one of them trolley token things. Up the electronic walkway I went and started to get to know TC again after such a long time away.

Things were never the same and it took quite a bit of time for us to know each other again. There were things I didn’t quite like with TC now she had come back all big and showy offy. Things such as a shortage of an item, the old TC seemed to cope with this well and it didn’t look such a big drama but now a shortage looked massive! It was easy to spot a blemish like this on her because she had got so big and greedy. On one occasion I had to have a word with Mummy Tesco because TC’s meat counter looked a bit dry! Mummy Tesco assured me that she would have a word with her daughter and that it wouldn’t happen again, I check a few days later and things seemed to be better. No need for a poorly maintained meat and fish counter is there now?

Then TC started to take money from me! I was angry, how could she do this to me after all these years? What basically transpired was that I could do a balance transfer to our special card, she wouldn’t charge me any interest and everything else would be just sweet or so the email that Daddy Tesco sent to me said. So I did the transfer as suggested but then noticed that money was disappearing from the special card! I called DT us to see what was going on but he told me that I should of read the small print which stated that I had clearly been too hasty on the balance transfer and that I had transferred too early to be able to claim the interest free period. Just great, now I was paying back all the money to the special card that I had received in gift points! What was the point of this, to earn my points only to pay them back in bloody interest charges?

Things were now beginning to start to sour between us and TC, she had left us holding the baby to go off and try and better herself only to come back and not be the great person she was before she left. I felt our love had been betrayed and the money thing was the last resort.


After a lot of thought, we think its time to call time on our long love affair. I will sadly be calling Daddy Tesco, in the next week to close down our special card. I’ve paid off all we owe and it seems pointless to earn points that you are going to either spend back with TC or pay back in interest. DT’s attitude on the phone when I called him wasn’t the best either, its clear he just wants the best for his daughter but doesn’t give a toss about what I think so its been coming to him anyway.

In the meantime we are seeing less and less of TC. She continues on and I’m sure there will be others who will fall for her charms but not me, not anymore, I’ve potentially found a new squeeze!

Her name is Nantwich Sainsburys and we have yet to meet! We have been setup on a blind date so our judgement is yet to be defined.

So there you have it, a sad demise of a long love affair. From the heady days of being excited to being with each other to the days of routine and things going on behind your back.

Bye Bye TC, I wish you all the luck for the future, but sadly one that doesn’t include us!

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